Understanding Narcissism Beyond the Label

19 Things Narcissists Commonly Do

(And Why It’s So Confusing to Be in a Relationship With One)

Important note: Everyone has narcissistic traits at times. This article refers to persistent patterns, not occasional behavior. Only a licensed professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This is about patterns, frequency, and impact.

1. They Make Everything About Themselves

Conversations, conflicts, celebrations, even your pain somehow end up circling back to them. Your experiences are often reduced to how they feel about them.

2. They Deny Responsibility—Everything Is Someone Else’s Fault

Accountability is rare and short-lived. You may occasionally witness what looks like insight: they cry, apologize, admit wrongdoing—then erase it entirely hours later, behaving as if it never happened.

This isn’t growth—it’s emotional pressure release.

3. They Twist Reality or Lie (Gaslighting)

Statements like:

• “That’s not what happened”

• “I never said that”

• “You’re remembering it wrong”

Sometimes this is deliberate manipulation. Sometimes it’s genuine distortion. Either way, your reality gets destabilized.

4. They Minimize Your Emotions

“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Why is everything such a big deal to you?”

Your emotional reactions are treated as the problem, rather than information.

5. They Become Competitive With You

Instead of celebrating your individuality, they may:

• Mimic your style

• Undermine your friendships

• Compete with your success

Your growth can feel threatening to them.

6. They Take Credit for Your Accomplishments

“You wouldn’t have done that without me.”
They rewrite the narrative so your success reinforces their superiority.

7. They Neglect You Privately but Brag About You Publicly

They may skip your events, fail to show up emotionally—but post your wins on social media to look like a supportive partner or parent.

8. Love and Approval Are Conditional

If you comply with what they want, you’re “good.”
If you don’t, you’re suddenly selfish, cruel, or the problem.

Affection becomes a reward system.

9. They Have an Excessive Need for Admiration

If praise isn’t freely offered:

• They fish for compliments

• They become resentful

• Or they seek validation elsewhere (emotionally, socially, or sexually)

10. They Feel Entitled to Your Sacrifice—Without Reciprocity

Your time, energy, empathy, and resources are expected.
When you ask for the same in return, it’s “too much.”

11. They Constantly Compare Themselves to Others

Usually with the belief they’re superior—or with thinly veiled envy when someone else shines.

12. They Care More About Outsiders’ Opinions Than Yours

Strangers, coworkers, neighbors, or social media followers matter more than:

• Their partner

• Their children

• Their family

This is often deeply painful for those closest to them.

13. They Are Obsessed With Appearing “Put Together”

Because image matters so much, they often appear:

• Polished

• Successful

• Calm

• Admirable

Behind closed doors, the experience is often entirely different.

14. They Are Condescending—Yet Extremely Sensitive to Criticism

They may patronize, belittle, or talk down to others, but cannot tolerate:

• Feedback

• Accountability

• Being spoken to the same way

15. They Never Forget Your Mistakes

They will remember and reuse your past wrongdoings for years—yet conveniently forget what they said or did ten minutes ago.

16. They Seem Loving…Until You Pull Away

When you’re compliant, invested, and quiet, they may appear loving.
When you assert boundaries or threaten to leave, panic sets in—and suddenly they “can’t lose you.”

This is often fear of abandonment, not genuine repair.

17. Their Feelings Always Come First

If their feelings are hurt, everything else stops. There is very little emotional room left for yours.

18. They Can Be Explosively Entitled

When things don’t go their way, they may become aggressively demanding, reactive, or even humiliating toward others.

Yes—this is where “Karen behavior” often comes from.

19. They Overestimate Their Abilities and Importance

They exaggerate their intelligence, influence, talent, or moral superiority—often without the evidence to support it.

A Final Clinical Reality Check

Many people reading lists like this ask:
“Am I dealing with a narcissist—or just a difficult human?”

The distinction comes down to:

• Pattern

• Frequency

• Impact

• Lack of sustained accountability

Healthy people can reflect, repair, and change. Narcissistic patterns tend to repeat, deflect, and externalize blame.